Oh Sudafed...let me sleep...

It is 4:10 in the AM and I am wide awake. I'm not sure if it's due to the Sudafed with Sudaphetrine pills that I took before I went to bed, but regardless...here I am. For the past three weeks I have been stuck in that awful moment when a plane is taking off, right before your ears pop with you feel like you're in a bubble. It's been giving me migraines and making me feel a little sick to my stomach, so I am finally taking the day off of work today to go to the doctor where they will hopefully give me a shot full of wonderful goodies to take the pressure off my brain. I'm a little tired of everything being foggy.

Other than that, what has been going on? Absolutely everything. I started Bible Study every Tuesday night from 7:00 until 9:00 but that event is always preceeded by a 7th and 8th grade Cross Country meet. I've been working or attending basketball games every Monday and Thursday nights with a District Tournament thrown in there as well. And on Wednesday nights I have my "old coaches" volleyball league. The term "buring the candle at both ends" comes to mind...no wonder I'm sick.

But the good news out of all this is that we're only about 31 days or so from the wedding so all this business is helping move time along very quickly. For the better part of 2010 I have been in secret wedding freak out mode. Craig can tell you - I've been in tears the majority of nights, completely stressed over stupid things about the wedding. Will people come? Will people have fun? I'm not worried about flowers or cakes being delivered on time, but instead I want to make sure that everyone around me is happy with the decisions that I make. And while trying so earnestly to make sure that my bridesmaids are happy or mom's are happy, I think I've been driving both them and myself completely nuts. Apparently, the polar opposite of a "Bridezilla" can be just as frustrating.

I did make major progress though...a couple of Fridays ago I was sitting there looking from my list of wedding things to do to my calendar chocked full of items previously mentioned, wondering where in the world was the time to get everything accomplished. And then I had a breakthrough - these were all things that could be taken care of by someone else. Sooo...I put together a list for my mother and future mother-in-law and told them to divide and conquer. If there was something on that list that they felt particularly drawn to...have at it. Take whatever you wanted and run with it. Needless to say, all items on the list have been taken care of. It was difficult for me because I am somewhat of a control freak at times (what teacher isn't?) but I knew that in order to save my sanity, I had to let some stuff go. It doesn't mean that I'm not a good and organized bride...if anything, it makes me a smarter bride to outsource.

The RSVP Conundrum

Question for all current and former brides...

Is it just me or is it a little insulting when people RSVP "no" to your wedding? I have had a couple responses of "no" and with most of them there is a carefully written and heartfelt apology as to why they can't attend...with the others it's just a zero, which feels a little harsh and cold. Maybe I'm taking it a little to heart, but I can't help but get my feelings hurt...is my party not good enough for them?

I must admit...it stings.

I've done the best I can with what I've been given and if that still isn't enough, there's nothing I can do about it.

Something else I stole from Molly

1. If you were a color, what would you be? I know what my two favorite colors are and I think that I float back and forth between both of them. Turquoise - bright, flashy and full of energy as well as Sage Green - calm, relaxing and deceptively wise.

2. If you were a flower (or plant), what would you be? A pink hydrangea - grows a little out of control at time and doesn't always show the true beauty.

3. If you were an animal, what kind would you be? A dog...I'm pretty loyal and I like to sleep and chase balls around. Volleyballs, basketballs, footballs...

4. If you were a shoe, what type would you be? A sneaker - the shoe that is always prepared for everything and anything to come along.

5. If you were a typeface, which font would you be? Probably something boring like Times New Roman...straight and to the point.

The Final Countdown

In the grand tradition that is year-end countdowns, I'll enter my own into the arena.

Top 5 Things in 2009:
1. Getting engaged in January: Obviously this was a life changing event that was thrilling and exciting...but also terrifying and full of anxiety. My first 24 hours as a bride-to-be were spent in panic attacks over the thought of planning a wedding and being a bridezilla.

2. Adopting Angie in June: I knew I wanted a dog, but I didn't know how much I needed one until Angie arrived in our home on the 20th. Since then she's become my constant companion and one of my favorite topics to talk about.

3. Bahamas Trip in July: It wasn't any important milestone in my life, but it was a wonderful vacation for us...we really enjoyed being able to relax on the beach and not worry about anything. It was also my first time being away from Angie and I do remember having a huge phone bill the month after due to my frequent phone calls to check up on my furry daughter.

4. Becoming a head coach (but more importantly...beating my old school): Winning against MMS during volleyball season (with BOTH my 7th and 8th grade teams) was a huge personal victory because my team was definitely the underdogs but with my careful and strategic coaching, I was able to pull out the win. Even more so than the win for myself, seeing the pride and satisfaction in my players (especially my wonderful 8th graders) was so fulfilling...I was proud to give them confidence in themselves.

5. Hosting Thanksgiving at our house: Because our immediate families attending Thanksgiving this year was so small, we combined our Thanksgiving celebration and my parents, Craig's mom, Mema and sister all came over to our house around noon on Turkey Day. I was proud to have a beautiful house with plenty of room and space to accomodate all the food and beverages. It was my first time hosting an important family get-together and pulling things off without a hitch was a personal milestone.

A Few Not So Great Things in 2009:
1. Changing schools: Due to the fact that Craig and I are getting married, one of us had to leave the school that we both taught at and unfortunately, I drew the short end of the stick. Although the prospect of becoming a head coach and running my own program was exciting, leaving all my wonderful friends at my previous school was not. The first semester of school was difficult because of this...especially on those days when I just needed to hang out with people who knew me and understood me and didn't mind if I vented a bit to them.

2. Wedding planning: I know...this should probably be one of the five top things, right? As much as I am looking forward to being Craig's wife for the rest of my life, weddings in general do not excite me. I have never particulary enjoyed throwing parties because I'm always worried if people are going to get along and enjoy themselves...multiple that feeling by one thousand and that's how I feel planning the biggest party of them all. I also have a hard time asking things from people (like my bridesmaids or my parents) because I don't like people doing things for me and neither do I want to be the dreaded "bridezilla."

3. Volleyball season: It was my first volleyball season as head coach, my first season without my fearless coaching leader Beri and my first season with a losing record. As much as I enjoy the sport and the kids it was very draining on my physically and emotionally. There were many nights spent sitting at the dining room table discussing the philosophy of middle school coaching and how exactly to rebuild the volleyball program at my new school. It was a humbling experience to walk away from loss after loss wondering what I could do better and trying to keep spirits high and motivated for my players.

4. General frustration the mid-20s angst: Over the past couple of years I have seen myself change from the perpetual party girl to the settled suburbanite and there are several emotions tied to that change. Sometimes I still feel a loss of a part of my personality...I picture a girl that was the life of the party in my head. I was skinny, fashionable and what I thought to be fabulous. I had a flashy and sporty car and had a pair of heels for every occasion. But then just when I'm getting a little misty-eyed missing that girl and that lifestyle, I remember that this same fabulous girl struggled with an eating disorder and slight drinking problem and frequently made poor choices in men and in life. After putting together the full picture of my post college experience, my mood quickly shifts from wistfullness to regret and shame. Looking around at my suburban life with my 3 bedroom house complete with pool, dog and SUV... I often wonder how did I get here? And how do I reconcile who I was and what I did with who I am and what I want to be...

Looking Ahead to 2010:
1. Duh...I'm getting married in March: But more importantly than that, I am looking forward to being Craig's wife. Just the other day I was telling him how next summer at his big basketball tournament, he won't introduce me as his fiance...but instead as his wife. We both got big grins on our faces.

2. Europe in August: At his families Christmas celebration, the last present was for me and inside of this yhuge box were different numbered packages that I had to open in a certain order. The first three packages were travel guides to Paris, Italy and Germany. The second two packages were concert tickets to see U2 in Frankfurt, Germany and Torino, Italy. The third was an envelope containing an itinerary for us to travel through Italy, Germany and France next summer during the first two weeks of August. I cried. A lot.

Second Guessing

I must stop watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC...because it's making me want to go try on every single different type of wedding dress that is out there. When I went shopping with my mom and my bridesmaid Jennifer, it didn't take more than three or four dresses for me to figure out which dress I wanted...it even happened to be the first one that my mom put her hands on in the store. Now I'm starting to second guess myself - I went into dress shopping with such a definite idea of what I wanted: no poof, with straps, very simple. Maybe I should have tried on the big ball gowns and the mermaid silhouettes just to make sure they weren't what I wanted. Now I am feeling like I didn't really enjoy the dress shopping as much as I could have...or maybe should have.

Or maybe I just need to stop buying into the sentimental wedding crap that comes out of the Kleinfeld's salespeople on the show.

Despicable

There is currently a ton of press right now regarding the situation that Tiger Woods has gotten himself into and after perusing the comments made in regard to the most recent personal statement released by the athlete this morning, I'm pretty upset.

Tiger: you, like any other celebrity, gave up a certain amount of privacy when you became a billion dollar universally known athletic superstar. You are not immune to the same fascination and scrutiny that the likes of Lindsey, Paris and the Kardashian clan receive. Granted, you are not out every night flashing your public intoxication and other signs of poor decision making, but when rumors start to become substantial, the public will want to know. And the intense focus might be even greater considering the fact that this is in every way in direct contrast to the public persona that has been carefully crafted to reflect respect, dignity, morals and values. People feel a bit cheated out of one of the few athletic superstars they felt were actually good role models for their children.

What frustrates me even more is the fact that many of the comments on his webpage speak about Tiger being "human" and that "everybody makes mistakes." No! Not everybody cheats on their wives with multiple people for almost three years. That's not being "human" that's being a ass hole. I don't care who you are or what you do...cheating on your spouse for that amount of time combined with the obvious deception and lies...it's NEVER okay. Why should we, as a public, forgive him for this discretion? Because he has broken every golf record in the world? Still doesn't make you a good person.

Sorry Tiger...but I'm jumping off your bandwagon.